Sometimes I think people do not realize how much things hurt me. A friend died over in Iraq in August 2006 and numerous people think that I was not good friends with him or even did not like him and that's farthest from the truth. I don't try to defend myself to people because they just don't believe me. I know sometimes it seemed like we didn't get along, but we talked a lot when people weren't around. I know more about him than people suspect 
and it hurts to hear people talk about him, thinking I don't care. We became really close after my big suicidal attempt and before he went to Iraq he made me promise not to do anything "stupid" while he was gone or he'd kill me (makes no sense I know) but I promised him that, we had a lot of secret promises like that. I was unable to go to his funeral because of work and because of issues with people that would be there, so I've never really said goodbye. Memorial Day was the first time ever that it was a hard holiday, it didn't help that I had 4 people to remember. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. The news that night was doing a segment on those that have been killed in Iraq and I just lost it, literally lost it. I was glad to have real friends around at the time because I don't know what I would have done otherwise. People bring him up in conversation and I just go silent, I have nothing to say, it just hurts so much. I miss him more than I expected....
and it hurts to hear people talk about him, thinking I don't care. We became really close after my big suicidal attempt and before he went to Iraq he made me promise not to do anything "stupid" while he was gone or he'd kill me (makes no sense I know) but I promised him that, we had a lot of secret promises like that. I was unable to go to his funeral because of work and because of issues with people that would be there, so I've never really said goodbye. Memorial Day was the first time ever that it was a hard holiday, it didn't help that I had 4 people to remember. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. The news that night was doing a segment on those that have been killed in Iraq and I just lost it, literally lost it. I was glad to have real friends around at the time because I don't know what I would have done otherwise. People bring him up in conversation and I just go silent, I have nothing to say, it just hurts so much. I miss him more than I expected....
No comments:
Post a Comment